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Archive for January, 2010

Ashleeeeey!

Hey guys I havent been on here for a couple days. I’ve been having a rough time with eating and excessive exercise. Last night I had a major break down after my dad caught me doing something I wasnt supposed to be doing. I felt so humiliated and I just wanted to disappear. I dont know how to get myself out of this rut I’m in. I want to be the fun happy Ashley again. Brooke came and calmed me down and today has been better than usual. I guess I just need to focus on my goals and recognize that I’m doing this for myself and NOBODY else. I have major issues with pleasing my parents. Its just so frustrating with talking to them because they just don’t understand. When they prevent me from doing things I have to overcome myself it makes things ten times worse. They dont understand that I need to overcome my excerise issues and they cant just band me from excersise, that makes it worse! And for some reason I feel like brooke is mad at me ūüė¶ this morning i went to go study for midterms with her and i asked her what was wrong and she said i was annoying her. I always feel like she doesn’t like me and it sucks because my relationship with her means alot especially after all that we’ve been through. Ugh anyways, I need some happiness in my day!

Lets get to some delicious eatssss!

These meals are scattered throughout the past 3 days. Just randomnesss ‚̧

Delicious pumpkin oats cooked in coffee and pumpkin

topped with almond butter coconut toasted walnuts

and maple syrup!

oh and of course drenched in cinnamon (:

This baby was a beast! Delicious…

Cottage cheese mixed with homemade chocolate granola

coconut chocolate soy nuts and natural peanut butter

yummmm (:

Tortilla bowl:

Chicken/ lean ground turkey mixed with peppers onions

and cheeese

topped with chilli garlic and onion podwer

dippins: tex mex hummus (spicy!)

seasoned sour cream

and salsaaaa!stawberry banana apricot over night oats with chobani

and oat bran and french vanilla creamer

topped with almond butter coconut and toasted walnuts

yum yum yum

I need some MAJOR oats and yogurt ideas. I have the same combinations all the time! I need some creative new deeeeelicious yogurt messes, overnight oats, and hot oat recipies. I’m like addicted to coconut almonds walnuts strawberries granola peanut butter anythingg!

Hit me with some ideas (:

hope everyone has a healthy happy day ‚̧

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Food Update:)

One pictureof my spicy peanut Thai eggs! and some side trukey hamm... other eggs were velvetta and mexican seasonings!

Favorite Combo!

Finished my great breakfast off with a warm bowl of cereal mixed with cinnamon vanilla soy milk, topped with chopped apple and toasted cinnamon walnuts! Off to take my first examm.

Before Play practice… new snack creation..

2 cinnamon rasian biscottis mixed in to oskios greek yogurt topped with a square of dark chocolate, cinnamon and homemade coconut chocolate granola!

Oh yeah the thing on top is peanut butter! how could i forget my favorite ingredient lol. I am so proud of having two carbs just in a snack! And i didnt restrict my carbs any other time during the day either:) Oh, how good it really feels to feel recovery is going in a good direction<3

Best LUNCH EVER! inspired by Mayas sunbutter and strawberry sandwhich….

BEST SANDWHICH EVER!

How much i love nut butters<3 how could i possibly live without for day now when i restricted them for over a year! neverr again ed! thanks for the great idea Maya. I toasted this bad boy by the way in the pan with butter and it came out all moist and gooey, in a good way lol.

I went to the gym before dinner and did a lightpilates class with my momma.it was lots of fun and i actually letmyself listen to my body and go at my own pace. it was great i had a great time and played around with my cousin and sister

Hope everyone had a great day.. update snack tommrorw.. bought SMORES GOLDFISH! will probably throw some in my cottage cheese tonight with sunbutter or pb with chocolate? I dont know ill figure out something ‚̧ you all

xoxo Brooke

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Good Thursday all. Brooke here! It has really been great coming into the blogging community and its great to feel welcomed<3 thanks for all the support from the other day, I seemed to have let the numbers and bad ED thoughts stay trapped in the back of my head but buried underneath all of the apects of life i am looking forward too. I am proud to say that eventhough i know my body is changing, i dont want to have a problem with body image. Everyone has there different curves, waists and legs that make us unique from one another. No matter what i come out of this disorder looking like, i will still ALWAYS be brooke hopefully that will be a beautiful(on the inside and out) and loving person. I am continuing to move through recovery in a positive way ready to fight every challenge there is to face.

Anyhoo, so far today i have had midterms at scholl:( but we had a half day:) haha. Midterms went well and i hope i did okay (American Studies!). Currently learning about the Nazis and World War II so this should be interesting. Ashley and I stayed up all night studying and laughing in between while eating our night time snacks<3 We were so tired that we could hardly pronounce half of the words off of our study guides but it gave us a good laugh, which i think we both really needed. Its great to feel like we have a relationship again becuae when we get in little fights we can easily forgive each other and move on. Thats definatly a huge step from where we used to be.

Sooo, Challenges for ED of the day, i have play practice after school today for an hour, and my mom had invited me to the gym with my cousin becuase it is memebers appreciation day! Oh no, the class is pilates so nothing too strenuous but this was defiantly a place that Ed would run wild. Literally. Hopefully, i can control myself and have fun with the class. My cousin is so funny and she hardly ever works out but is so gourgeous! I am going to let myself have fun with her and if i cant do a move DONT PUSH IT! i will wear appropriate clothing and make sure that i refuel afterwards of course:) Wish me luck.

I really have to think of more food challenges so a question for you all ,What is a challenge food that you have faced this week, or during your recovery? Did you love it or hate it? Or do you eat it all the time! I definalt y have now adopted to sandwhiches which are like my new favorite. While i was in the hospital i had lunch that came from home one day and my mom brought me a tuna sandhwich i screamed my head off about how much i hate sandwhiches and almost through it at my doctor… not a good idea! Now i have one almost everyday and im obsessed! I have also today challenged two carbs in one meal! I ove carbs now after they were restricted from my diet for so long, there important for energy! You will see in my foodie post later

Will update foodies later just a quick check in ‚̧ you all!

xoxo Brooke

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EAT!

Hey! Brooke and I are both currently sitting in the kitchen getting prepared for school tomorrow, packing lunches and what not. I want to update you guys on some eats from yesterday!

Ashleys eats of Monday:

This Scrumptious bowl was the first part of my breakfast

Overnight Oats!

soaked over night:

1/4 cup of oat bran

2/3 cup of fage 0% yogurt

sugar free french vanilla creamer

added in the morning:

1 tbsp of sugar free apricot jam

strawberries cherries blueberries blackberries

1 tbsp of flaked coconut

1/4 cup of mixed cinnamon roasted almonds/walnuts

2 tbsp of dry roasted edamame (sounds weird but quite delicious!)

2 tsp of sun butter

also had

Soy eggs

1 egg 1 egg white mixed with

soy sauce sesame seeds and green onion

peppers and onions

1 oz of each steak and chicken

topped with freshly grated ginger, yumm!

Snack 1/4 cup of pumpkin mixed with 2/3 cup of cottage cheese

cinnamon and 1/4 cup of almonds/walnuts

1/3 cup of  mixed kashi honey sunshine and go lean

(yummmm!)

LunchThe most delicious wrap ever!

2 tbsp of bobbis hummus (tex mex and white bean)

1 whole wheat wrap

5 oz of chicken soaked overnight in balsamic vinegerette

mixed with 1/2 cup of baby spinach

1 roasted red roasted pepper 1 oz of havarti cheese

tomatoes cucumber avocado

sesame/sunflower seeds

Dinner

(Bad picture!)

Mexicanaaaa!

2 oz of steak 3 oz of chicken

1 green bell pepper

1/2 medium onion

.5 oz of havarti cheese

1/3 cup of pinto beans seasoned with chilli powder

cinnamon onion powder and garlic podwer

yummmm.

topped with taco seasoned sour cream

forgot to take a picture of my snack!

the bowl was so delicious i just dug right into it heheh!

It consisted of

1 cup of cottage cheese mixed with maple syrup glazed banana

1 oz of dark chocolate cocoa roast almonds

1/4 cup of homemade chocolate  coconut granola

and 1 tbsp of skippy natural pb melted ontop and refrigerated till it hardened

nomnomnomnom!

delish day of eats!

Brookies Muchiessss

Breakfast

2 pumpkin eggs in 1/2 ww wrap with almond butter spinach and sun dried tomatos

(such  a good combo believe it or not!)

The other half of the wrap with 2 italian eggs with italian blend cheese with 2 ham slices

Snack

Sweet potato chips with 3/4 cup of yogurt mixed with nut delight Kind Bar and sunbutter

Lunch

1/2 pita with 1 can of tuna mixed with mayo and tomato

other 1/2 pita with chicken steak peppers onions

velveeta cheese and tex mex hummus

forgot to take picture of the other side since it was kind of last minute!

i needed extra cals so i packed the other side of the pita

ive never eaten a whole one before!

Dinner

Asain peanut stir fry with chicken pineapple dumplings

Snack

Almond butter peanut butter and sunbutter (hehe)

ontop of cottage cheese mixed with pistachios

1/4 peanut butter cookie lara bar and 1 sugar free oreo

Hope you enjoy our blog so far

keep smiling! ‚̧

xoxo Ashley and Brooke

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Weigh-In Day!

Yikesss! This morning was quite horrendous might i¬†say. Well first, lets conclude¬†yesterday. Brooke and I spent a lovely day chasing each other¬†around school saying how happy we were that we created this blog and what we can do to make it better (yadah¬†yadah¬†yadah) Than we took lovely photographs of our eats (which I’ll¬†post later) and just had an all around lovely day. Although, I, Ashley, had a rough time during swim practice because I¬†felt extremely¬†tired and out of energy and felt so self conscious¬†about my transformed body. I was humilitated¬†when anyone even looked at me in my swim suit. I just kept on swimming and let myself sink (literally) in the ED thoughts. When I came home Brooke was preparing a lovely dinner but had horrible news to share.

Bad News 1: My mother’s brother¬†(my dearest uncle) has a brain tumor again and its worse than last time. My mom mom¬†(grandmom) is completely distraught about the matter and it breaks our heart to see her that way. It totally effected Brooke since my mom mom has always been her strongest supporter during the deepest times of her ED.

Bad News 2: My dad found out my sister cuts herself eeeek! Not Brooke but my other sister Danielle (yes I’m a triplet) Well, enough explained there.

Bad News 3: My mom left my beautiful white laptop at work and I couldn’t¬†study for midterms or speak to any of my support groups on Facebook, CalorieCount, and now my new blog for help while ED was making me feel down about myself.

Yeah, pretty rough day overall but at the end of the day Brooke and I just sat down and enjoyed a lovely¬†midnight snack together and let our bodies and minds unwind and we spoke about how lovely it feels to be recovering….

But than this morning, my mom surprised us with a check up morning weigh in. Ugh, We had already began to cook breakfast so whatever the number was, we couldn’t turn back and let EDs voice take control. We couldnt possibly throw out the delicious breakfast we had already prepared. So first up, Ashley. The week prior to this Ashley had maintained her weight and has been for 3 weeks at 97-98 pounds. This week she stepped it up and tried to make a change since she was so close to being healthy and she wanted to get her exercise privileges¬†back. Last time weighed: Last Saturday, 97.3. This morning, 101.2 at first. The look in her eyes was the look of death. She looked¬†up at her frail sister, she wanted to be just like her. Ashley was urging to break free¬†of all of her fake happiness and cry out to her family for help. She immediately¬†scurried into the bathroom, not looking at the image that reflected in the tall mirror on the wall.She was afraid to see what image might look back at her. She¬†tried to go potty. Went potty, came back out, stepped on that demon¬†scale again. Left foot, right foot. She watched¬†the scale as the numbers moved from 98.9 to 100.2. 100.2, Ashley after 2 years of being below 100 pounds was now 100.2. She was afraid, upset, overwhelmed, embarrassed, simply disgusted. Ashley didn’t¬†say a word and her mothers response was, “The scale must be¬†broken.” No good job, no¬†hug, no nothing. “The Scale is broken” 3 words.¬† ED was FREAKING out inside Ashleys head. She was mortified. She is “fat”.¬†She is becoming the one thing ED hates the most….healthy.

Next contender¬†in this match with ED was little Brooke. She finishes scrambling her eggs and goes to get undressed while thinking about the last few weigh ins. Background please?¬†Last time she was weighed¬†was last Tuesday¬†and she gets blind weighed but she was around 89 lbs. (p.s were both 5’1). She was infuriated about how fast she was gaining but still continued to push her way through EDs stupid perceptions and enjoyed food the way she wanted to. As her cold little toes stepped on the scale, backwards, she awaited for her moms approval. Would she say “you need to step it up” or is the scale broken for her too? As my mom allows her to step off Brooke gets changed in silence. Not one word from mom. Ashley stares at her mother, “So…”. “The Scale is Broken.” Same four words. Wow. So what does that mean? “Its not¬†to fast Brooke, it’s just¬†right, you want to get this over with¬†don’t¬†you?” Brooke stares at her mom. Thoughts are racing in her head about what that stupid number might be. Gosh why dont¬†I have the privilege¬†of a good metabolism?! ED was twisting everything up inside making her extremely emotional, you could see it in the way she stormed around the kitchen that nothing was controlling her except that horrible whisper inside.

For the rest of the day, Ashley and Brooke walked around school in a whole new world. For Ashley, body image was a the shadow of her thoughts. She walked in the halls with her head to the ground as if she wanted to be invisible. She wanted noone to see how healthy she was getting because she was embarresed of her improvement. She was embarressed that she tucked EDs thoughts behind her and let herself get out of control. For Brooke, she new she had a long way to go, but wasnt sure how she would approach the upcoming meals. She wanted to cut back inorder to forbid rapid weight gain, but didnt want to see her parents get upset by her foolish descision. Overall, this day was full of internal struggle but we stuck together and talked it out with eachother. We said that tomorrow is a new day and think about our hopes and dreams for the furture. Do we really want ED by our sides forever? We think not.

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Hello world!

Hello Blogging world (: If you haven’t already noticed there are two of us linked to this blog. Our names are Ashley and Brooke. Were recovering from a long hard and stressful eating disorder. We love experimenting with fascinating new foods and create some delicious dishes while others fail hehe. Well even though were in this together we have had more rough patches than smooth. Ashley was the first who discovered the manipulitive ways of ED whispers and fell deep into his whole during camp of 2008. When she returned home her parents were astonished about how much weight had shed off of her bones with the snap of a finger, yet they didnt prevent her from excersise or restriction. Unfortunatly 3 months later Brooke slowly got sucked into ED and adopted my horrid behaviors. When we came home from camp in 2009 at a critical low weight, my parents finally stepped in. While trying to “recover” inpatient at Renfrew, Brooke and I did not get along well at all. We said and did horrible things to each other and at one point we even physically hurt eachother ūüė¶ We had to be seperated at all times to make sure we wouldn’t harm eachother or effect one anothers recovery. Boy, was that not an absolute wreck! Anyways, while I (Ashley) was sent home from Renfrew while Brooke stayed I was so happy and adventourus with my recovery. I didnt take one meal or snack for granate and pushed my way through E.D loud screams. Unfortunatly for Brooke she didnt have quite the same approach. She got worse and worse as her time at Renfrew progressedWe let E.D get the best of both of our lives but now that we see a different side of life we both pushed E.D aside and seperated our differences and now we make a loving supportove team. As Ashley, I adore Brooke with all my heart and although she is at a different place in her recovery, were both kicking Eds butt one day at atime ūüôā Anywaysss, we both have our own likes and dislikes so lets get to them Ashley: Overly obssesed with concocting deeeeeelicious yogurt messes Addicted to making overnight oatmeal but hasn’t yet found a flavor to satisy her adventurous taste buds Loves taking daily trips to health food stores to search for delicious new foods Favorite Fruit: Strawberries or crisp apples Favorite Vegetable: Eggplant and Zucchini Favorite Spice: CINNAMON ALL THE WAY BABY (: Favorite Nut: Cinnamon Brown Sugar almonds 15 yrs old, on the swim team at her high schooool!, outgoing, mature, creative, loves takes photos, wants to be a photographer for national geographic when she grows up, is a triplet ‚̧ very open to helping people with disorders and making manynew friendssss! Brooke: hey ladies! it’s great to enter the blogging world! I’m a fifteen year old triplet as you already know, recovering from the horrible disease anorexia. I hit my worst point the summer of 09 losing almost 15 pounds in 3 weeks eekkks! I went in paient after coming home from camp for about 2 months then had to go into the hospital 2 times while in inpatient. horrrible experiences and honestly i would never want to go back. Life is full of new and everlasting memories not to be sucked into mind boggling routines and obsessing over food. I LOVE food and it haas become a passion to make delicious and creative things without ed distorting my thoughs and whats “good” or “bad”. I am getting much better and it so worth it! i love myself for who i am not what i eat or look like. i also love my family and the way they support me could not be any better. My beautiful and loving sister is supportive all the way through even though i know its hard for her because she hates the way i look and i just want her to know how beautiful and lovley she is=] And i’m sure all of you will learn this through our blog! Remeber stay strong and never let anyone take control of who you really are. Embrace every moment for what its worth to create those happy everlasting memories<3 you all! Hope you enjoy our eatss=] Lets see my favorite foods… thats SO HARD! haha well ill start withh Nut Butters: Just discovered sun butter and im obsessseedd! Baked fruitt Flavorings in Yogurt or cottage cheese: Pumkin and cinnamon<3 P.S. I literally put cinnamon on EVERYTHING Vegtables: Peppers and onions with chilli, garlic, onion powders and… you guessed it cinnamon! Eggs mixed with pumpkin sounds so gross but its delliicous. Or with spicy peanut thai sauce mixed with green onions and broccli Cheese: Velvetta yumm.. Sweet potatosmicrowaved with cinnamon, nutmeg ricotta cheese! I love cereal microwaved with walnuts, cinnamon :), banana and vanilla Anything really…. hope to make some new and creative foods to keep the blog interesting! Well its getting very late and were gonna start adding friends. Tomorrow will be our first day of food! xoxo Ashley and Brooke

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