Archive for March, 2010

Hey Hey Hey! I really wnat to thank everyone o much for the support a few days ago, you all have such inspirational words! I needed the courage to stand up to ED and tell him that I shouldn’t listen to my mother, but I should listen to my body, and to what it wants. Not ED. Thanks again, it really helped me to do so and i feel much more comfortable knowing I have all of you amazing ladies helping me out! I know this title sounds a bit depressing, but I keep on repeating this line over and over again in my mind. Why? Well yesterday, my sisters and mother went to a doctors appointment when I went to play practice:). I normally never hear anything about me but to keep up the good work. Fine with me but this time was different. I came home, prepared a yummy dinner but my dad (the spoiler) always gets mad when I tell him I don’t know my weight. Of course he was like “Well I’m going to tell you anyway!” Ughhh! Whyyyy! I would have to face it sooner or later anyway :/. Instead of telling me my weight he told me that I weigh more then Ashley! Was that necessary? Why the comparison? Now, this means I am 6-8 pounds away from my goal weight! I guess this is a good thing but I have no idea what to do! I am allowed to exercise, but I’m resisting for some reason, I think it’s because I have no idea where to start? I have cut back a bit like my mom told me to do, even though i am still getting hungry! But my mom told me that if i keep continuing what i’m eating, I’m going to be 200 lbs by JUNE! What is wrong with my parents?!? My goodness, haha. I ignored it because the doctor says he wanted me to slowly gain the last lbs within the next 4 months. Not quite sure how this is going to go, I’m really scared it’s going to come on quicker then they hope.

So, Breakfast this morning was a bit difficult, I am always so used to my eggs with a sandwich or some kind of heavy carb. My mom told me to cut back so I did. I had 2 eggs scrambled with garlic, sun dried tomatoes and spinach. Then I used Katie’s suggestion for chocolate oats! They were scrumptious! Your so right, the butter makes it, thanks love<3


Topped with peanut butter and crushed walnuts!

After breakfast it was school time! I wanted to feel good about myself, knowing the weight I am at and how terrible I felt yesterday, I needed the boost of confidece! I wore one of my pre ED pair of jeans! They fit great, not to tight, not too loose! I did some hair straightening and brushing of my pearly whites ๐Ÿ˜‰ haha. I felt great! I felt like I had a whole new glow about me and my mom even told me I looked so great. It felt amazzing! I hope we can all feel this way one day and find that seperate peace within ourselves. We can do this ladies.

Lunch was so different and yuummmy! I was is lovve, I had a wrap filled with my new Thai Ginger Peanut butter, sliced cabbage, garlic chicken, grated carrot and roasted red peppers! Perfection, Thai Chicken Wrap!

School was so hectic! Every single teacher is cramming in like 50 tests in one week because of all of the snow days, its horrible. I have 3 tomorrow, so I should be off to studying soon!

After School Snack:

Chobani mixed withย  coconut, go lean crunch and 2 small chocolate chip cookies. Also a slice of cinnamon raisin bread with pb mixed with pumpkin ad a heated banana.

All the bowl were in the dishwasher haha.

My mom and I attempted to bake some sweet potato bread, but I was too distracted from my brother getting into Arcadia that I miss measured the flour and other important ingredients ahaha. Silly me! It still came out pretty good, not going to lie. I have been waiting to find a recipe that makes like real bread that I could use for a sandwich like almond butter and cinnamon ricotta cheese on sweet potato bread! Ahh, I fantasize the day I will make that sandwich ๐Ÿ™‚

Dinner was soo good! Something I have not eaten in so long, homemade soup! With BREAD! During my ED I would really try and skimp on the meat and beans and only eat the veggies nd brother but whats soup without all the meat and beans! Really, and some grated Parmesan. My mom made white bean turkey meatball vegtable soup (containing white beans, turkey meat balls, carrots, zuchinni, spinach, tomato and many other veggies!) Side of 2 slices of garlic oval bread!

Oh yummm! I can’t wait to have some more tomorrow!

Snack will probably be some sweet potato bread with almond butter and a side of cottage cheese mixed with flax seed and walnuts? Maybe ๐Ÿ™‚

I hope all of you lovely ladies are doing well and are planning a fun weekend. My dress arrived today for sohp hop! This saturday! ahh i’m so nervous but it will be a REAL high school experience and I will let myself enjoy being in the company of friends and wearing a snazzy dress ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy to be alive, loved, andย  surrounded by people in my life that I love and appreciate. Remindng myself to live in the moment.

xo. Brooke


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Hey guys, its ashley. Yeah suprise suprise, i ahvent been here in so long. I cant even begin to explain everything that is going on right now. I have so much to tell you guys good and bad. Ill start on a lighter note with some veryexciting postive things

First off and most importantly, I GOT MY PERIOD! Yes Ashley who has been malnourshed for 2 years and has never though shed wake up on s sunday morning to cramps and a lovely surprise of HEALTH. I am so extremly enlighted by this matter. I cant even explain all the thoughts going through my head about how different my life would be now. This means everything to me especially, freedom. Well, it didnt quite turn out this way. You may think my parents would be happy too right? Nope. Not even a little. First reaction was mom, “hey mom, can you come look at this” Looks at “it”, Me:”I think its my period! (:” “oh, well your still not where you need to be.” Not a hug, just words of doubt. Doubt, that word has been floating around latley. ill explain later. Second reaction Dad: “Theres something wrong, somethings not right, your lying” Wait reallllllly? How on earth could i lie, i mean, i have proof! All this time throughout my recovery my parents have always said how HAPPY they would be the day i got my period and it would be a huge milestone and such and they thought something was wrong! I was deeply affected by this. Why on earth do they doubt me so much? This is what i asked my mom and she said its because I eat the same things all the time. Wow, really? Why do parents have to be so picky! Like im on my way to health and I havent been excersisng which is extremly hard and my mom complains that im an oatmeal addict (hehe) and just because i dont eat rice and pasta she cant believe im doing better. Ugh! so frusterating, I do feel like i challenge myself, no measuring, eating a carb at every meal including snacks, no excersise! Wow i dont know what else i could do. This is so frusterating because all day they compare my to brooke and just put me down which makes me feel horrible. They dont understand the huge leaps i have taken and now I actually have proof im getting healthy and all they can focus on is a number. If im not 100 than nothing is okay. Gosh, im not even doing a good job at explaining the grief and sorrow this puts me through that all they care about is a stupid number. Im so sick of hearing that brooke is so much better than meย  blah blah blah they just compare me to her all the time and its very annoying. Yes brooke is doing absolutly supurb but instead of putting me down why dont you simply ask whats wrong? Why am i eating the same food all the time? Instead of yelling at me and telling me id never be able to survive outside of my “bubble” im in. Besides there words of discouragement, I have been the happiest Ive been in 2 years. I have been loving my body, my grades are getting better, my boyfriend is amazing (: and my friends are great too. The only thing holding me back is my family. Another problem is Brooke. She hates me, doesnt talk to me, doesnt look at me. Why? I have no clue. I wish she would just tell me when she is annoyed with what im doing or something. I feel like she always hates what im doing. Im beginning to ramble arent i hah. I guess its just ive been so frusterated with my parents because in my mind, i feel ed has disappeared and they feel his rearing his head up again. There is no way im letting him take control of my health and my friendships. Im happy. So why cant my parents just accept it?

Sorry for the ramble, i ahve some foodie updates lataaa!

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Oh my

Hey guys, this is going to be a really quick post because i’m in school but i’m having a rough day and kind of need some support. I woke up this morning, in a perfectly fine mood, bright and smiley as usual, besides the fact my alarm clock woke me up late! I was excited to finally go to play practice after the cancelations to due the snow. So, I went down stares to begin to prepare breakfast, planning on something yummy and creative ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe a Peanut butter and strawberry sandwich with my usual eggs, veggies and ham? Sounded good to me! Then Mama came down and told me she had to weigh me. I am always fine with weigh ins, i never look at the scale anyway so what’s the big deal right? I got undressed, jumped on the scale, Mom says”Ok”. All done, I put my clothes on and back in the kitchen I went without even thinking about my weight. Then I pulled out my eggs and I told asked my mom “What kind of sandwich do you think I should make with my eggs?” She says, “Your SERIOUSLY going to eat that much?” I had no idea how to respond, I’ve eaten MUCH more than this on other days for breakfast so why is she saying this. She did the SAME thing the other day to me but I just let it go. I said,”Well what do you mean?” I started to get so self concious and didn’t know what to do. She says, ” Why are going to eat that much, just make up for it later.” I was silent. I had no idea what to say, I have an eating disorder mom what is that supposed to mean! Am I eating to much, am I ganing to much weight at the time? What is going on. I ended up having my sandwich with only 2 eggs and a few veggies. No big deal, but what was wrong. Why is she doing this almost every day?

Sorry if this was long and kind of stupid but I really have no idea what I’m going to do if she says this to me one more time. I know my metabolism has no sped up but I just want to be healthy again. I’m in school and feeling soo self concious and like i can’t do this anymore. Also, my sister got her peiod back and I was really upset about that the other day because I know her intake is still low and she has been exercizing.

Why does it have to be this way! This is not me.

xo. Brooke

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